In a clearly wonderful decision, the US Supreme Court sponsored by Verizon Wireless, "Can you hear me now", overturned a 1907 ruling that has prevented corporations from spending money on political campaigns and advertisements for over 100 years. "We must have been drinking Red Bull, 'Red Bull gives you wings', to have made such a totally awesome ruling!", said Justice Alito writing the majority opinion; an opinion shared by Justice John "Chalupa" Roberts who quipped, "We really tried to 'think outside the bun' on this one". Justice Antonin Scalia added "We brought out the 'big guns' for this decision" while sporting a new NRA baseball cap. "Ya, and I, um, am going to... drink some Pepsi", said Justice Clarence "Is-that-a-pube-on-my-Coke-can" Thomas. The ruling was handed down after the Verizon Wireless Supreme Court heard the case of Citizens United v. FEC which was presented by Gieco.
"This is just sickening." said Justices Stevens, Ginsburg, Breyer, and Sotomayor. But who cares what they say - they don't even have sponsors yet. At the risk of editorializing, I want to say that just like McDonald's "I'm lovin' it" and I think it's obvious that this ruling clears the way for the public to be saturated by a discussion of policies and ideas that is as free flowing and vigorous as an Avodart-induced urine stream - only from GlaxoSmithKline.
I'm Exxon/Mobil and I approved this article.
The preceding remarks were made possible by AT&T, "Your world delivered".
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