TheNuze.com

During a rare lull in the coverage of former Cincinnati Bearcats' coach Brian Kelly during which some measure of media attention may have inadvertently been directed at the student/athletes who are actually playing in the Sugar Bowl, Florida Coach Urban Meyer quickly stepped in to fill the void himself by making the stunning announcement that he would be retiring from coaching at the age of 45 after winning two national titles in his 5 year tenure at the University of Florida, but would probably stay to coach the Sugar Bowl.  "This announcement will surely put Meyer in front of Kelly in next weeks polls." said NCAA President Myles Brand, "We really think this competition for media coverage between Kelly and Meyer, neither of whom may end up actually coaching in the Sugar Bowl, has really raised the level of exposure for our organization and reinvigorated the NCAA as a whole."  When asked how he thought all of these professional managerial distractions would affect the performance of players participating in the Sugar Bowl, he confusedly responded, "The players?  No, you're out of luck there.  The players can't jump jobs or do any of these retirement type of things.  They're just students, you see?  No multi-million dollar anything; hell, we don't even pay them.  Nope, you're barking up the wrong tree.  Coaching, that's where the real drama is - and as you can see from this week's developments, these two guys are really bringing their 'A' game."