TheNuze.com

After a series of bizarre press conferences called attention to Coach Urban Meyer's schizoid relationship with the concept of retirement, University of Florida officials ordered their best medical teams to examine the coach.  Doctors with the University's Department of Psychology were taken aback by what they discovered and, fearing that some sort of outside tampering may have taken place, decided to contact the Federal Government.  Researchers from the Department of Defense agency, DARPA, have since confirmed that Coach Meyer had undergone a Manchurian Candidate style of brainwashing that causes him to announce inexplicable changes in his career direction whenever he sees TV cameras, hears the words "Sugar Bowl", or some combination of both.  The researchers are working on an accelerated timetable to determine exactly what the trigger mechanism is prior to the bowl game in which Coach Meyer may or may not participating depending on...     Sugar Bowl!