World

Possible Change for Afghanistan

Wednesday, June 23 2010 Editor-in-Chief

What started as a inside joke between Christiane Amanpour and Australian war corespondent Michael Ware (i.e. purposefully rendering "Afghanistan" as "Offgonnistonn" whenever on camera) is now in danger of changing the international pronunciation and official spelling of the war-torn country. The two journalists claim they were just trying to trick Wolf Blitzer into following suit, but they seriously underestimated the gravitas of their own accents and the desire of the Afghani people to re-brand their country.

Add new comment

Campaigns for Prime Minister Get Underway

Thursday, May 06 2010 Editor-in-Chief

London - Gordon Brown's government have recently announced that there will be an up-coming general election. So we here at The Nuze felt that we should give you a primer on who the candidates are and what parties and platforms they represent in this very important election. The field of prospective Prime Ministers is one the youngest ever. This year's race looks to be a particularly exciting three-way competition with the emergence of a third party, the Liberal Democrats, who are expected to make their first serious national showing under the leadership of Nick Clegg who just last... Oh! - And the election has just ended. The results are in and one of the new guys has won after some weird three-way deal making. Well, never mind about the primer. No one really expects you to know any British politicians other than Churchill and Thatcher anyway.

Add new comment

UFO Ruins Wiltshire Man's Crop Circle

Saturday, June 05 2010 Editor-in-Chief

UK - Last night a UFO was spotted in Wiltshire according to the following eye-witness account from Edward Chiltham. "It was beautiful out last night, perfect night to make a corn circle. I had been in the field about three hours. It's pretty hard work, you know, but somebody's got to do it; these circles aren't going to make themselves. Anyway, I happened to look up and there was this magnificent rotating disk slowly descending above me. All I could think was, 'with all these open fields, you had better not land that damn thing in my circle'. Well where do think those little green buggers set down? All that work for naught. They may have been getting out to apologize as I stormed off, but I'd had quite enough."

Add new comment

Agreement on Future of Valentine's Day

Tuesday, February 16 2010 Editor-in-Chief

It was announced on Tuesday that the Vatican has reached an agreement with the strategic partnership of Hallmark and Disney regarding the future of Valentine's Day after years of legal wrangling held up a hostile take-over of the holiday by the American corporate giants. The agreement stipulates that Hallmark and Disney will assume full control of the holiday in North America and Britain though the Vatican will continue to receive a 20% royalty on all merchandise that doesn't specifically feature Disney or Pixar characters. The Catholic Church will retain control in all other parts of the world where the holiday will continue to be known as "St. Valentine's Day" unlike North America and Britain where it will henceforth be a strictly secular holiday and will officially be known only as "Valentine's Day" or "Hallmark and Disney present Valentine's Day". The agreement also clears the way for Hallmark and Disney to finally enter into a Valentine-oriented joint merchandising deal with Trojan similar to the ones that they already have with M&M/Mars and Kay Jewelers.

Add new comment

More Articles...